First Day of School

Even though school started 6 weeks ago for us, I still wanted to share about it.

We are all excited about school starting, but I think I was more anxious.  I could not sleep.  I was so worried that Mia would have a bad experience again this year.

Rewind back to last year, First day of school, we were all excited.  Mia was starting Kindergarten, Zoe in 5th and Erika starting High School!  Boy, what a gap in ages, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.  So, I walk Mia into her classroom, just like all of the other parents.  When it’s time for the parents to leave, I walk to the door but Mia is holding onto me.  I told her that I had to go.  It’s time for learning with the other students.  She immediately starts bawling.  She grabs my waist, I pull her off, she grabs my leg and says, “Mommy, don’t leave me.”  I don’t know what to do, so I decided to stay for a little bit until she calms down.  Every time I walk to the door, she gets up and follows me and starts crying again.   I finally make my way out the door and there she is on the other side trying to pry it open.  I am holding it on the other side and the teacher finally convinces Mia to sit down and join the class.  As I walk to the car, I am now crying. This went on for several weeks.  I couldn’t stand it anymore.  Boy, if that wasn’t the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.  I didn’t expect her to act like that. The older two never had a problem, but they also went to daycare.  Mia stayed home with me, she was my little sidekick and we did everything together.

Day two of school, Mia is not eating lunch, she is crying, “I want my mommy.”  I end up having to eat lunch with her everyday.  The other kids were now getting upset that their mommy is not around, and why aren’t they having lunch together.  This also went on for several weeks.

Fast forward to the middle of the year, Mia is not crying anymore, and I am not going to lunch with her anymore.  Now, she is now having bellyaches.  I was getting seriously worried, she would go to the office and they would call me almost everyday to come and get her.  She ended up being severely constipated.  It was so bad that she would sometimes run a fever and be hunched over in pain, looking greenish-yellow.   At this point, I was seriously considering home-schooling for the rest of the year.  Her teacher, who happens to be a friend of mine, thought it was because Mia didn’t like her.  But it was just that she missed me so much, it was affecting her stomach.

Finally!  It was the end of the school year, we had survived!  It felt like torture sometimes, I felt like my heart was being ripped to pieces, but we made it!  WHEW!!

Summer was great, not a bellyache all summer….fast forward….

First day of school again.  I wake everyone up, in Zombie mode, from not sleeping all night, worrying that she is going to cry again and grab my leg.  I prepared myself for the worst, but kept and optimistic mindset.   The bell rings and I give her a kiss and a hug as we wait for the teacher to come out and greet us.  I am now starting to get nervous as the time comes to say good-bye.  The teacher takes roll at the door and explains what the kids will be doing that morning.  The moment has finally come, the teacher tells the kids to say good-bye to their parents.  We all wave and blow kisses.  As I stand there thinking, wow, my baby is growing up so fast.  It’s time, she walks into the classroom, turns around and waves one more time.  She is smiling!  Not a single tear this year.  I am so proud of my baby girl!

Of course, I turn around, and cry happy tears all the way to my car.

Happy as can be

I knew you were going to say that!

Lately, I have had telekinetic experiences with my kids and other people. I think something and my kids will say what I thought, or I think of someone and they appear somehow in my life. It seems to be getting stronger lately. How cool is this?

Does this ever happen to you?

Love my girls…

My girls are my life. I could not imagine life without them. It’s not easy being a mother of two teenagers and a 7 year old. Add the dogs and the cats and man-o-man this is a house- full!

Trying to juggle work and home life can be difficult and tiresome, especially with after-school activities and competitions, etc. I find it difficult to have time for myself lately. I sometimes wonder if I did the right thing by going back to work, even though it is only part time. I still feel overwhelmed at times. So, I am using photography as an outlet, a great outlet, I might add. It takes me into a zone that no other thing can do. I am at peace.

Now, If I could just get my kids to clean up after themselves more often without getting on their case, that would be great! Still, life is great and I could not ask for a better family. Some might say I am lucky, but I think, there was little luck involved and more like, lots of love.

Being bullied hurts, but Life goes on…

A little girl came home crying one day. Her mom asked her what’s wrong? She replied, “I don’t have any friends.” Her mom told her that is nonsense, she is always playing with her “friends” outside. The little girl said, I go outside, but no one plays with me, only one girl….her name is Hope. At school, no one plays with me, they make fun of me and call me names. They say I’m ugly, I’m a dog. I should go kill myself because no one but my mom will ever love me. The little girl went on with her life. The struggles with friendship continued… She met a friend when she was 10, they danced to Solid Gold and the Music Box Dancer together. One true friend. Then she moved away…again.

The struggles continued as she got older, kids putting notes in her desk, telling her don’t touch anything she’s so ugly it might rot. Her self-esteem was broken, she was sad and hurt. She was tired of being bullied, she always tried to do her best in school. Then, she moved again. Now, in high school, life was harder. She ran away from home, dabbled in drugs and turned to the streets, which seemed to be her only friend. Then she met another girl who was being bullied by a bunch of girls in 10th grade. She stood up for her because she knows how it feels. They became best of friends, but that too was cut short. Her friend moved away. She was lost again. Dropped out of school and met a boy.

This boy was nice at first, then started to abuse her, she thought it was normal since she watched it growing up. It was hard for her to cope. She had several jobs, tried any career or job she could to see where she fit in. The boyfriend became more threatening and abusive and she could no longer take the pain. She decided to end her life. No more pain, no more suffering, they were right. She was better off dead. She was rushed into the E.R. to get her stomach pumped, she was scared but knew it was the end, dying is easy. Living is the hard part. Or so she thought. Once released from the hospital, she changed, something inside her grew stronger. She felt alive, renewed, almost reborn. She then knew what she had to do. Her only chance was to leave, make a break for a new path in life. She ran or her life. She hid, as he chased her down the street, but she found her break. The bus came and took her away forever. Life as she knew it would change.

After the ordeal, she fell into the hands of some loving people, they did not judge her, only cared for her and helped her. She moved away, again. She found her calling, got two jobs, struggled to pay bills but was happy, on her own. This girl had no friends, but was determined to make new ones, not living in the past anymore, only looking to the future. After many trials and tribulations, she succeeded, she grew up, found her soul mate and has a wonderful family. She did not know that love was all around her the whole time due to the evil that blinded her.

Life is not always a bed of roses, although we would all like it to be. You need to be pricked by thorns in order to know what living means. She does not always understand the actions of people and tries not to let the bad get the worst of her. Living in a positive state of mind, letting the love, kindness and happiness flow.

She now has many, loving, kind and caring friends. Some are far and some are near, but all of them are close in her heart.

Beyond…

Staring blankly into the pot
As to
Looking down into the abyss

Reflecting back on the past is in the past,
The present only, rides the waves.
Looking forward to the future holds the key to
Un-somber days.

The angel hanging by a thread,
the tree lights glistening
a slight ringing in my head
she wants to know if I’m listening.

Of course, I am, I said, in my mind
And I knew she heard me clearly
I heard her said things would be fine.
That my father loves me dearly.

Now time to move forward, And don’t be sad,
his tired old body has taken too much
Life may be over for him
but It was a good one he had.

Resting until the end of his time,
Can barely walk now
He must pay his dues
So the universe can take him home.

Life Force

Life Force.

Lost in Time

Sometimes we struggle in life to know where we really belong. You may think you are meant to be in a certain place and in fact, you probably are, for a while anyway. Then we may lose sight of what is right in front of our eyes. Time passes so quickly and we get comfortable in our surroundings, a lot of times we get too comfortable. We stop caring for ourselves thinking it’s okay, I take care of that tomorrow, but then, it’s the next day and then it’s a month later and a year later and then…it’s too late. We have let go.

We all need a push sometimes, a friend to lend a hand, a sister, a brother a father or a mother. Whomever it may be, a shoulder can be there. But what happens when you feel lost and alone? You feel like no one will understand. You have reached your limits, what do you do? Where do you go? How do you take on the roll you have been handling all along? Suddenly, you feel in another world, out of this world, from the moon, maybe.

We have to be strong for our family, people say. Well, we can’t always be strong or we will become a rock in our own prison. A lost soul, in a world of hardened hearts, lost in time. Life can not go on like that or we will begin to regret what we have worked so hard to keep sane for. Pushing forward, letting go, moving on or standing still. We all need someone to help us through the wormhole.

Watching a sunflower grow

Sunflowers are amazing. The are such a happy flower. When Mia had a flower on her desk at open house last year, It was such a cute little plant. Her class planted sunflower seeds and they all got to take them home. Mia said she would water her plant every day because she wanted to see her flower bloom, so she did.

Soon, the plant got too big for her little cup it was planted in, so we re-planted in in a larger pot. Then it got too big for that, and we planted it in an even larger pot. After weeks had gone by, we had to re-pot the plant again and it was finally starting bloom a flower.

The plant that was once a seed is now a beautiful sunflower. It has grown to almost 3 feet tall and will continue on growing as long as the sun shines.

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full bloom

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