A cobweb man

His pain in the words of another. My pain in the words of a mother.

He will never say how much pain he is in, as it has always been. He used to be so vain when he was a young man. Always a wanderer, philanderer, singer, guitar player for the band. Now the years have passed, two marriages failed. Six children, five step-children, many grandchildren and a widower in his cobwebbed mind.

Tell me when I should have forgiven him for all the pain he caused to so many people. Why have I grown a bitter feeling, instead forgiveness. He was my world in my youth. We all looked up to him for strength, maturity and grace and advise. Instead we got denial, cover-ups, deceit and lies. The hurt is too deep for my sister and her world that he took away.

I remember the days of waiting for him to get home, mom told us he was working, but she knew he was flirting, hurting, being selfish,being the you that you are. Leaving another scar in her heart, driving their love apart.

Time to move on now, even though I have tried before. I know the end is near. I don’t know if I will be upset and that, I fear. I have a promise to my children, that I will never let them have a father like him. They are my world, my light, how could a man be so selfish to not show how much he cares to his own children?

I am writing these words for him, as I try to forgive him for the man he has been. May he find peace and happiness as he flows back into the universal pool of energy and come back as a better man.

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