I knew you were going to say that!

Lately, I have had telekinetic experiences with my kids and other people. I think something and my kids will say what I thought, or I think of someone and they appear somehow in my life. It seems to be getting stronger lately. How cool is this?

Does this ever happen to you?

Love my girls…

My girls are my life. I could not imagine life without them. It’s not easy being a mother of two teenagers and a 7 year old. Add the dogs and the cats and man-o-man this is a house- full!

Trying to juggle work and home life can be difficult and tiresome, especially with after-school activities and competitions, etc. I find it difficult to have time for myself lately. I sometimes wonder if I did the right thing by going back to work, even though it is only part time. I still feel overwhelmed at times. So, I am using photography as an outlet, a great outlet, I might add. It takes me into a zone that no other thing can do. I am at peace.

Now, If I could just get my kids to clean up after themselves more often without getting on their case, that would be great! Still, life is great and I could not ask for a better family. Some might say I am lucky, but I think, there was little luck involved and more like, lots of love.

Beyond…

Staring blankly into the pot
As to
Looking down into the abyss

Reflecting back on the past is in the past,
The present only, rides the waves.
Looking forward to the future holds the key to
Un-somber days.

The angel hanging by a thread,
the tree lights glistening
a slight ringing in my head
she wants to know if I’m listening.

Of course, I am, I said, in my mind
And I knew she heard me clearly
I heard her said things would be fine.
That my father loves me dearly.

Now time to move forward, And don’t be sad,
his tired old body has taken too much
Life may be over for him
but It was a good one he had.

Resting until the end of his time,
Can barely walk now
He must pay his dues
So the universe can take him home.

Watching a sunflower grow

Sunflowers are amazing. The are such a happy flower. When Mia had a flower on her desk at open house last year, It was such a cute little plant. Her class planted sunflower seeds and they all got to take them home. Mia said she would water her plant every day because she wanted to see her flower bloom, so she did.

Soon, the plant got too big for her little cup it was planted in, so we re-planted in in a larger pot. Then it got too big for that, and we planted it in an even larger pot. After weeks had gone by, we had to re-pot the plant again and it was finally starting bloom a flower.

The plant that was once a seed is now a beautiful sunflower. It has grown to almost 3 feet tall and will continue on growing as long as the sun shines.

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full bloom

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A cobweb man

His pain in the words of another. My pain in the words of a mother.

He will never say how much pain he is in, as it has always been. He used to be so vain when he was a young man. Always a wanderer, philanderer, singer, guitar player for the band. Now the years have passed, two marriages failed. Six children, five step-children, many grandchildren and a widower in his cobwebbed mind.

Tell me when I should have forgiven him for all the pain he caused to so many people. Why have I grown a bitter feeling, instead forgiveness. He was my world in my youth. We all looked up to him for strength, maturity and grace and advise. Instead we got denial, cover-ups, deceit and lies. The hurt is too deep for my sister and her world that he took away.

I remember the days of waiting for him to get home, mom told us he was working, but she knew he was flirting, hurting, being selfish,being the you that you are. Leaving another scar in her heart, driving their love apart.

Time to move on now, even though I have tried before. I know the end is near. I don’t know if I will be upset and that, I fear. I have a promise to my children, that I will never let them have a father like him. They are my world, my light, how could a man be so selfish to not show how much he cares to his own children?

I am writing these words for him, as I try to forgive him for the man he has been. May he find peace and happiness as he flows back into the universal pool of energy and come back as a better man.

Volunteering at Camp Whittle

We decided to do good for others. A friend asked if we would like to volunteer for a weekend in Big Bear. We clean up the camp ground in exchange for a cabin and meals. “Sounds like fun”, I said. So, we did it. Off we went on our journey to the top of the world, or so it felt like. The trip was two and a half hours, but this time we got see lots of cool stuff. There were Joshua trees, and mountains all around.

When we got to the bottom of the mountain, and started our uphill drive is when the real sight seeing began. There were tall trees and beautiful landscapes, there were scary cliffs and little creeks. We saw lots of birds soaring above, as if they were showing us where to look for the next amazing sight. When we arrived at the top of the snow capped mountains, there it was, a gorgeous lake surrounded by huge trees, with ducks swimming, people fishing and more birds soaring. The cabins surrounding the lake were stunning.

We drove around the North Shore side of the lake on a dirt road up the mountain to The Rim Of The World… there waiting with all of its beauty was Camp Whittle in Fawnskin, Big Bear. Surrounded by nothing but huge pine trees, it was quite the sight. We checked in and unloaded our stuff in a cabin with nothing but bunk beds. The bathroom was a community bath house with 5 showers and 5 toilet stalls. There were giant Red Ants and spiders and bugs everywhere. Not the place to be if you are afraid of bugs. After we dropped off our stuff, we went into town, Big Bear City, and ate dinner. It’s a small town and not much is open after 8 pm. But we managed to find a Denny’s.

Back to the cabin we drove, in the pitch black darkness, it was kind of scary but cool at the same time.
The kids were too excited to sleep, and the adults were too, but we finally managed to sleep and wake up early in the morning for breakfast. Wow!! Breakfast was great! The served all kinds of good food, juice, coffee and lots of water.

We got our assignments and went off to rake up pine needles from around the cabins. Whew, that was hard work!! Mia was tired after the first hour, but managed to help as much as she could. We stopped for lunch which was great and went back to work. After about an hour we started noticing the blisters on our hands and fingers. We were getting tired and sore from raking and raking and piling those pine needles. We kept motivated by saying, “Hard work pays off”. And it did! We took a break around 3 pm and our guide took us over to the petting zoo so our hard working kids could feed the animals. There were donkeys, a sheep, goats and llamas. The girls had fun feeding the animals until one of the goast decided to ram Mia and knock her down, then he started ramming everyone else. It wasn’t a very nice goat. But the others were sweet and had no anger issues.

Back to the cabins to finish up for the day we went after the feeding. By that time, all of the girls were burnt out on raking pine needles and went to play on the rocks while my friend and I finished. Finally it was time for dinner and to stop for the day. We were beat! Sore, tired and filthy. Our feet and hands hurt so bad it was hard to eat. We managed to eat then went to shower. Ahhhh, did that feel good!!! After a little rest, we decided to go see the sunset at the lake. It was cold and windy but beautiful, none the less. It was peaceful and gorgeous. We decided to head back and start a campfire in our designated pit. It was great! Two women, and their girls, roasting marshmallows for smores. Boy were they good smores.

After we finished our smores, we headed back to our cabin for a little chat time and rest. We layed in our bunks, and talked about the day. When we couldn’t keep our eyes open any longer, it was time for bed. The older girls had a hard time sleeping but Mia was asleep as soon as lights went out. I was restless but managed to fall asleep after a few toss and turns. Then, we heard the crunching and scratching…the girls looked out the window and there he was, a bear!!! Not too big, but not small either. Right outside out cabin he walked by. In the morning we saw the paw tracks, but thankfully the bear was gone. I’m pretty sure he smelled the strawberries I had thrown out because they went bad. They sure did smell good though.

Off to breakfast we went, then back to the cabin to pack up and head home. Sore, tired and greatful for a wonderful experience, we left happy and feeling good about doing a good deed for others. How fun would it be to stay at camp Whittle for the week and enjoy the outdoors? I know the campers will have a great time and enjoy the cleaned up camp grounds. We will be goimg back next year to help out again.

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driving through clouds

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good morning

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mia feeding animals

mia riding a broomstick

Zoe working hard

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endangered species

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Loved Ones and Anxiety

What do you do when you know someone who is in pain, emotional pain? How do you help someone you love to cope with the pain, the anxiety, the fear? You can’t say…”I know how you feel” unless you actually have felt that way before. How many people can say, I have felt the pain of severe anxiety, the emotional distress of not wanting to face anyone?

Do you know how it feels to have your body clam up? You shake, you shiver, you have extreme stomach pains, you feel like bugs are crawling on your skin and your fingers tingle from the numbness. Loud noises make you nauseous, certain smells trigger a gag reflex. Your head feels like it’s going to explode. You want out of your body now!

Sleep is difficult, time goes by slowly. You pray you or your loved one will get better every hour of every day. You feel like you can’t talk to anyone abut your problem or they will think you are crazy, but you know you are NOT!!!

You try to breathe, but inhaling is difficult, your chest feels like it’s going to cave in. You try to eat, but just the thought of eating makes you feel ill. If people weren’t so mean and opinionated, if they didn’t have to criticize you about your hair, your clothes, your shoes. Maybe that would make a difference. Maybe, if everyone knew how that person who just wants to die felt inside, they would stop the cruelty.

But the world must go on with cruel, vindictive people in it. Until a new generation of healers arise to show the consciousness of others how to treat everyone as equal, no matter what. Not everyone is smart, or pretty, or creative. But we are all human, with feelings. We are all capable of loving without prejudice. My hope is that someday soon, the tides will change for the better good of mankind. Let’s work together to stop the pain.

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