Lost in Time

Sometimes we struggle in life to know where we really belong. You may think you are meant to be in a certain place and in fact, you probably are, for a while anyway. Then we may lose sight of what is right in front of our eyes. Time passes so quickly and we get comfortable in our surroundings, a lot of times we get too comfortable. We stop caring for ourselves thinking it’s okay, I take care of that tomorrow, but then, it’s the next day and then it’s a month later and a year later and then…it’s too late. We have let go.

We all need a push sometimes, a friend to lend a hand, a sister, a brother a father or a mother. Whomever it may be, a shoulder can be there. But what happens when you feel lost and alone? You feel like no one will understand. You have reached your limits, what do you do? Where do you go? How do you take on the roll you have been handling all along? Suddenly, you feel in another world, out of this world, from the moon, maybe.

We have to be strong for our family, people say. Well, we can’t always be strong or we will become a rock in our own prison. A lost soul, in a world of hardened hearts, lost in time. Life can not go on like that or we will begin to regret what we have worked so hard to keep sane for. Pushing forward, letting go, moving on or standing still. We all need someone to help us through the wormhole.


A cobweb man

His pain in the words of another. My pain in the words of a mother.

He will never say how much pain he is in, as it has always been. He used to be so vain when he was a young man. Always a wanderer, philanderer, singer, guitar player for the band. Now the years have passed, two marriages failed. Six children, five step-children, many grandchildren and a widower in his cobwebbed mind.

Tell me when I should have forgiven him for all the pain he caused to so many people. Why have I grown a bitter feeling, instead forgiveness. He was my world in my youth. We all looked up to him for strength, maturity and grace and advise. Instead we got denial, cover-ups, deceit and lies. The hurt is too deep for my sister and her world that he took away.

I remember the days of waiting for him to get home, mom told us he was working, but she knew he was flirting, hurting, being selfish,being the you that you are. Leaving another scar in her heart, driving their love apart.

Time to move on now, even though I have tried before. I know the end is near. I don’t know if I will be upset and that, I fear. I have a promise to my children, that I will never let them have a father like him. They are my world, my light, how could a man be so selfish to not show how much he cares to his own children?

I am writing these words for him, as I try to forgive him for the man he has been. May he find peace and happiness as he flows back into the universal pool of energy and come back as a better man.