First Day of School

Even though school started 6 weeks ago for us, I still wanted to share about it.

We are all excited about school starting, but I think I was more anxious.  I could not sleep.  I was so worried that Mia would have a bad experience again this year.

Rewind back to last year, First day of school, we were all excited.  Mia was starting Kindergarten, Zoe in 5^th and Erika starting High School!  Boy, what a gap in ages, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.  So, I walk Mia into her classroom, just like all of the other parents.  When it’s time for the parents to leave, I walk to the door but Mia is holding onto me.  I told her that I had to go.  It’s time for learning with the other students.  She immediately starts bawling.  She grabs my waist, I pull her off, she grabs my leg and says, “Mommy, don’t leave me.”  I don’t know what to do, so I decided to stay for a little bit until she calms down.  Every time I walk to the door, she gets up and follows me and starts crying again.   I finally make my way out the door and there she is on the other side trying to pry it open.  I am holding it on the other side and the teacher finally convinces Mia to sit down and join the class.  As I walk to the car, I am now crying. This went on for several weeks.  I couldn’t stand it anymore.  Boy, if that wasn’t the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.  I didn’t expect her to act like that. The older two never had a problem, but they also went to daycare.  Mia stayed home with me, she was my little sidekick and we did everything together.

Day two of school, Mia is not eating lunch, she is crying, “I want my mommy.”  I end up having to eat lunch with her everyday.  The other kids were now getting upset that their mommy is not around, and why aren’t they having lunch together.  This also went on for several weeks.

Fast forward to the middle of the year, Mia is not crying anymore, and I am not going to lunch with her anymore.  Now, she is now having bellyaches.  I was getting seriously worried, she would go to the office and they would call me almost everyday to come and get her.  She ended up being severely constipated.  It was so bad that she would sometimes run a fever and be hunched over in pain, looking greenish-yellow.   At this point, I was seriously considering home-schooling for the rest of the year.  Her teacher, who happens to be a friend of mine, thought it was because Mia didn’t like her.  But it was just that she missed me so much, it was affecting her stomach.

Finally!  It was the end of the school year, we had survived!  It felt like torture sometimes, I felt like my heart was being ripped to pieces, but we made it!  WHEW!!

Summer was great, not a bellyache all summer….fast forward….

First day of school again.  I wake everyone up, in Zombie mode, from not sleeping all night, worrying that she is going to cry again and grab my leg.  I prepared myself for the worst, but kept and optimistic mindset.   The bell rings and I give her a kiss and a hug as we wait for the teacher to come out and greet us.  I am now starting to get nervous as the time comes to say good-bye.  The teacher takes roll at the door and explains what the kids will be doing that morning.  The moment has finally come, the teacher tells the kids to say good-bye to their parents.  We all wave and blow kisses.  As I stand there thinking, wow, my baby is growing up so fast.  It’s time, she walks into the classroom, turns around and waves one more time.  She is smiling!  Not a single tear this year.  I am so proud of my baby girl!

Of course, I turn around, and cry happy tears all the way to my car.

Happy as can be

1994

Along the path of darkness there is a light of happiness.

Should you not be scared of what you might find?

Reach and feel what is hidden in your mind.

Can you laugh without sorrow, or is it so deep inside that there is only a cry?

Let it all out of your poor weary soul, please don’t hurt yourself anymore.

Now that you are here, walk away from the fool, wake up and see what it’s doing to you.

Do you like to be hurt when you think of that voice?

Then, only look forward and not back on the horrible past.

Universal Stardust

We are all star-dust, our bodies are formed from the particles in the universe.  We are the stars in the sky, watching over the worlds.  Our souls are bright lights shining up above. When a star’s light goes out, a soul is reborn, sent to earth or another world to become whole again. Our conscious mind grows when we are in human form.   Even as plants and animals we have thoughts and feelings, they just don’t have a voice to speak the words.

Many people don’t know themselves in their conscious minds, only in their physical bodies.  They are on a lower plane, they must raise their vibrations to learn about thier higher self, reaching a higher ground.  We need to come together as a whole, one body, one mind, one spirit, one love.  This planet is our body, the people are like the appendages, the hands, feet, finger, toes, etc.  Without love as a whole, our spirit is nothing, we are nothing. Without kind words and actions, our worth is nothing.

 

Daddy

His body lies still, covered with only a quilt that looked like something his mother had made. She noticed the cowboy boots, they were his favorite pair. How he missed dancing and performing in them. Now he will dance in the sky, watching over his loved ones.

She walked up to greet the man she once knew as her father, now just a body, his soul has flown back into the universe to be reunited with his family.

She kissed his forehead, so cold, so motionless and felt her breath taken away as the tears streamed down her cheeks. She whispered “I love you daddy, I miss you, may you be free to spread your wings and soar high in the grandiose sky.”

Lady, The Hawaiian Man

I was in an apartment which appeared to be my dads place (who has passed on). My brother was there, looking out the window.   I walked through a living room, into a bedroom off to the right, down the hall.  As I opened the door to the bedroom, the warmth came out.  The room looked like a sewing room, there was a quilt laying over the chair and the old lamp was lighting with a soft glow.  Inside the room there were three old ladies painting seashells.  The ladies told me they were making Christmas ornaments and that they were special and I could take as many as I liked.  The ladies then told me that it was time for them to go home, their shift was over.  I asked them where they were going, they said their time was up, they had to go now.  I said thank you and walked out into the hallway to the left.

Then, I turned to another room, the door was closed also, I opened the door and looked around.  There was a large table that took up most of the room, with a floor-length, light brown table cloth covering it.  I stepped into the room, and my dog, Lady came out from the right side of the table.  I looked at her and asked her what she was doing there?  She walked over to me and I gave her  love.  Lady then walked back the right side of the table.  I walked around the left side to meet her  and as I reached the back said, lady appeared to me and turned into a man.

I asked him how he got there?  He said he was a Hawaiian Man.   I looked at him and he repeated himself.  He was a Hawaiian man, whose family was being hurt and needed help.  The man had black hair, some was grey, he was older and very thin.   I asked him how I could help him and what he needed from me?  He repeated that his family was hurt and he needed help.  I told him that I would go get help, that my step- brother, David was outside.  He said no, he needs my help and it’s too late.  I turned to walk to the door and he turned around and walked to the table and disappeared again.  The, my dog Lady appeared again.

I walked out into the living room and there was a serving counter that attached to the kitchen from the living room.  On the counter, were the seashells that the ladies left for me.  They were decorated with rainbow dots and did not look like Christmas ornaments.  I was going to make goodie bags and give them to my friends.  As I was looking over the shells, my step-brother David walked by, putting on his leather coat.  I asked him where he was going.  He said he had to go get mom (my step mom, who passed) and dad a present because it was their birthday.    I told him that he wasn’t supposed to leave, that he was in trouble and had to stay home.  He got really upset and said, “How am I supposed to get them a gift, if I can’t go out, It’s their birthday and I need to get them a gift!”  I turned away from him, back toward the counter, and then woke up.

Dream Blog

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Struck by lightning

5-29-2016

In my dream this morning, I was seeing pictures that a friend had taken had taken of her husband.  They were not flattering pictures.  He looked as if he were dead, his stomach was distended, his mouth gaping open wide, eyes closed and he was laying in front of his front door on a lawn chair with a for sale sign on the lawn.

Then it was as if I was seeing moving pictures, live pictures being taken as if I was there, watching them.  There was a cliff side next to the river where they were camping, a friend and her boyfriend were there, watching the snakes pour out of the holes, Different kinds of snakes, rattlers, diamond back, some yellow snakes, and ones the appeared to be three inches long, then suddenly for legs and crawl away.

I was whisked away in a moment’s time and then I was walking along a sidewalk, alone, looking down to see if anyone dropped money or anything that caught my eye.  I was in a mini mall shopping area, it was dark and I then looked around for McDonalds, I was hungry and thirsty.  I walked back and forth looking for the restaurant that I knew was around there.  I then spotted it, in a dark corner lot, only lit up by the light inside with very few windows.   I walked over to the area where the McDonalds was and tied to get inside.  The door was open, but there was a heavy thick plastic covering the door with a rectangular hole cut into it, like a dog door, but for kids.  I was going to go inside, but then there were some people behind me.  I realized it was someone I knew, Mrs. Woodman (Wanous) Zoe’s Kindergarten teacher.  She was waiting to get in with 5 kids and her son.  I let the kids go in first, the climbed through the kiddie door and we told them to wait for us.  I then tried to climb through the door and got stuck.  I ended up pulling down the entire plastic door because I was too big to fit in the hole.  Tracy and her friends helped me get out of the door and they went inside to get the kids who ran off ahead.

I then started to follow them towards the counter to order, but they were gone. I walked up to order my food and the girl was pre-occupied.  The manager was talking to her behind the counter about the cola dispenser not working properly.  She then took my order and gave me my receipt and said they would bring my food to me.  The manager was there, still trying to fix the cola and then put a giant funnel on the bag where the soda was and started to drink it.  I looked at the ticket, it was number 554, I got my drink and found a table to sit down at.  There were a few people sitting down, eating.  I had waited for a good while and they still hadn’t brought my food, I got up to see if they were going to bring it.  I saw the girl who took my order standing near the trash can, cleaning up and I spoke to her, I showed her my ticket and she went to go check on my order.  As I started to follow her to the counter, suddenly we were outside, as if the half of the restaurant was indoor/outdoor.  I looked up and there was a giant grey black storm cloud forming, it looked like a monster, his mouth wide open, his eyes drooping, wrinkles and folds as the demon cloud came closer to me, as if it was going to eat me like I was going to eat that burger I was wanting.  I looked up, scared but not horrified, as if I knew what was coming.  Then a huge lightning bolt came out of the monster clouds mouth and struck me right in the heart, all I could feel was the jolt of electricity.  It was like nothing I had ever felt before, but I was not in pain.  As the electricity ran through my body, I began to convulse, my eyes were open and I could see the horror on the workers face.  I could hear the customers gasping deep breaths, no one could move.  I fell to the ground as my body gave in to the shock, I was trying to raise my left arm and do sign language to tell them to call 911.  I could not move, but tried to crawl, letting go, as if I was falling asleep.  I woke up into a ball of white light all around me, surrounding me like a blanket,  I then realized I was on my bed, in my room when I finally opened my eyes.  I felt tired and out of it, but energized and my heart was beating hard.  I’m not sure if I died, or was taken away to another realm, a higher spiritual sense of being.

The homeless

I saw a homeless man sitting outside a grocery store last weekend. He asked if I could spare some change and, I gave him my .60 cents. That is all I had left, since payday wasn’t for a few da…

Source: The homeless

The homeless

I saw a homeless man sitting outside a grocery store last weekend. He asked if I could spare some change and, I gave him my .60 cents. That is all I had left, since payday wasn’t for a few days. I gave him 2 Gatorade because he looked dehydrated. He was very grateful and said, you know what I want? I just want someone to talk to for a few minutes, so we talked for a bit, I learned that his name.is Cody,he is from San Diego, CA, has no family here in town but has family in Minnesota.  He thought he could make it here, in Santa Clarita, but has fallen on hard luck.  He rides his bike that has a crate on two wheels attached to the back everywhere.  He fixes his bike with his spare money because it’s his transportaion.  He was so much happier when I left, than when I walked into the store.  Not because I have him 60 cents, but because I gave him my time, a smile, my voice and an ear to listen rather than shunning him. He has a heart and soul, just like the rest of us.  So, the next time someone asked for spare change, maybe what they really want is you to lend an ear and be a friend, if only for a moment.

She-The Moon

She-The Moon.

Rose, A Fragile Flower In My Friend Garden

Today, I met an unsuspected friend.  As we were walking along, we heard her crying off in the distance.  We stopped at the shuttering sound of her words.  ”I don’t want to live anymore, I don’t know what I did to deserve this in my life but I can’t handle it anymore.”  We paused, in our steps, and listened as the fragile lady sobbed to someone on the other end of the phone.  We were sad for her and the words she had rigidly spoken to whoever was listening.

Our feet could not move as if we were stopped in time to listen to the hurt in her voice.  We stood, pondering what we should do, not wanting to interfere and seem nosey in her business but deep down we knew she needed a friend, just someone to talk to, even if they were a stranger.   I didn’t want to see her face on the news or hear that she perished that night.  For one life deserves to live just as much as the next.

After talking about it, we decided to walk over and see if this hurt-stricken lady wanted to talk.  I picked a yellow cal lily flower from the nearby landscaped building and said, “This might cheer her up a bit.”  My friend agreed that it might help.  As we got closer we notice she was sobbing with her head down, no longer on the phone with her brownish-beige, little dog.

I walked up to her and handed her the flower as she looked up.  I then asked, “Are you okay?”  She responded with, “Who are you?”  And I replied, “Just a friend walking by.”  She said, “No, I am not okay.”  And started to cry again.   We sat down next to her as she sobbed and told us of how she did not wish to go on in this life.  She was sixty-two and recently made homeless and how other bad things had happened to her and she just wants to go home, just like Dorothy  says,” there’s no place like home,” if only she had a home to go to.   I was deeply saddened by her story and so was my friend.  I am sure whatever she had done in this life wasn’t bad enough for her to feel this badly and to leave her dog and herself homeless, living in her car.

We spoke for a long while about life and the reasons for things happening that way they do.  Life is not fair at times, her dog is old and it’s hard for the dog to live in the car. We talked about our kids and the joy they bring.   We discussed how people are different and how she had been judged because of her difference, but I only saw a human in need of a kind word and a hug.  She is a good person, I could tell, she was smart and knowledgeable about a lot of things.  She had her identity stolen and has no family here, but does in other parts of the country.  She did have a little bit of money, but needs a home.

After talking for a while and giving her dog the rest of my water, we looked up some shelters in the area.  My friend got a pen and paper from a volunteer sheriff who happened to be driving by.  He suggested that our new friend go to the police station and they would be able to help.  She declined, but was interested in going to the shelter we found for her.

As we got up to greet the officers, who kept driving by, we realized we didn’t know each others’ names, We introduced ourselves, and found out her name is Rose, but goes by Zoe, (pronounced like Joe) which happens to by my daughters’ name (but pronounced like Joey.)  I was surprised when she said that, she even knew that Zoe is Greek and the meaning is life, which is why we named her that.   We walked together to the edge of the sidewalk.   She thanked us for stopping and taking the time to talk to a total stranger, which most people would have ignored.  We wished her the best in life and told her everything would work out, just stay positive.  We gave her hugs and pats to the dog and went our separate ways.

Sometimes in life, you just need a friend to tell you it’s going to be okay, even if that friend is a total stranger.  Life is too short to ignore the warning you might hear off in the distance.  Always trust your inner feelings.  And lend a hand, even if it’s a kind word of encouragement and a hug.  You never know who’s life you might have saved that day.

Best wishes Rose,

With Love and Light, from your new friends…